Walking on Water

Ever since I heard my friend’s song about Peter’s experience walking on water with Jesus, I’ve had a small obsession about that experience.

I’m sure all of us would love to boast about the ability to walk on water. I know I would. There is, however, more to it than simply being able to attain some great, amazing feat. There is the ‘how’. Jesus was able to walk on water because of his Divine nature as one person of the Trinity. Peter was able to walk on the water for a short time only because his eyes were fixed on Jesus. Shortly after, he was distracted by the waves and wasn’t able to remain on the water.

For the past 6 years or so, I’ve been drowning in the ocean. Temporarily able to stay afloat, gasping for air, waving my arms frantically for someone to pull me out. Then, due to one simple reflection about trusting in God that was put in my heart so easily, everything changed. It’s like the Holy Spirit grabbed hold of me and pulled me out of the water and put me safely back in the boat. Thankfully, He also inspired me to attempt  to step back out on the water.

I must say, it’s the most amazing thing. Can I actually, literally, walk on water? Of course not. Can I feel as though I’ve been walking on water since the very moment I got out of that boat? Yes. For 26 days, I’ve been “walking on water”. It’s a beautiful feeling and a great view on life. I am in some degree of control. Only I can doubt the trust I’ve put in God since this New Year began. And why would I? I feel like a new person, with so much of the joy I used to carry.

Blessed. Amazed. New Creation. Child of the King.

Yoga

On Sunday, I joined a friend for Yoga. It was something called Yin yoga, a version of yoga that included less poses for longer time to really stretch and focus on the connective tissue, rather than your muscles. Usually, I can’t relax my muscles, but this helped in a huge way. I even remembered to breath!

Since I purchased the $30 unlmited 2 week pass, I decided to check out more. I went last night to Vinyasa (1-3). Meaning it was Vinyasa yoga for levels 1-3. I thought, hey I’m level 1. So I thought maybe I could watch the instructor as we went, she would show us how to do the poses/what they were. Not so much. Immediately, I realized the teacher was walking around the room, not demonstrating anything. Luckily, more experienced folks were in front of me. I kept an eye out for them and did what felt normal as we moved from pose to pose rather quickly. A lot turned out to be repetitive, thank goodness! I did my best to keep up but recalled that Yoga is about respecting the body so I didn’t push my limits. I noticed I was so focused on not falling down that I didn’t let my mind wander to every distraction. Then at the end, during the final minutes, you get to do some minor stretching, and lay down. 

Any exercise that ends in a relaxing almost nap on the floor is okay by me. My mind wandered like crazy during this and I didn’t mind. I’m not really into Yoga for the “mind emptying” thing…more for the workout and treating my body like the Temple of the Holy Spirit it is.

For the first time during what is considered exercise, I was smiling. Even though it was hurting a little, even though drops of sweat were running down my forehead, I was smiling. I was happy that I went to this not knowing anyone there. I was happy that I didn’t give up completely at the first experience of strain. Happy I was able to talk to the instructor after class. It felt so good the whole way through.

So, along with slow cooker freezer meals and Green Smoothies, Yoga seems to be the next natural step in becoming more of who I want to be. A woman taking things at her own pace, on her own time. It feels great!

 

Free…er

Yesterday, I got up without an alarm, got ready, put my bags in the car, stopped at a store and grabbed a Latte from Starbucks and headed out to MA.

I was driving down the highway when I noticed something interesting. I was smiling. For no apparent reason, there was a grin on my face and I actually broke into laughter. I was behind the wheel, going to see a friend out of state and possibly seeing another friend on the way back. I hadn’t done that in a long time. Most of my weekend travel is to PA, not off on adventures like I used to have. I felt such a freedom.

Through one moment on New Year’s day, I put every ounce of trust I have in God’s hands which has led to an amazing sense of freedom. The lasting freedom leaves me feeling so much free-er? Freer? More free? I’ll take them all. 

The smile has yet to fade. This morning, at Mass, I could hardly keep from bursting into laughing there was so much joy watching my friend’s 7 month old son giggle and listen intently to the priest during his baptism. When it was time for communion, I looked at the alter and hungered. Hungered to have the presence of Christ, body, blood, soul, and divinity fill my being. I haven’t felt that hunger for the Eucharist…well, ever. Not like how I felt it today.

There is such a freedom in joy, in trusting, such peace. I didn’t even experience anxiety while driving on a dark and foggy road where I could hardly see past the end of my car on my way home tonight. I simply claimed my trust for God to lead me.

On the way home, I realized something else. I feel so connected lately to the Communion of Saints. My friend’s mom passed away earlier this year and I’d really been struggling with it. More times than I can even believe, I have ended up sobbing just thinking about her. This weekend was the first time I was able to think about her and not tear up. I was chuckling to myself about all the things we find after I ask for St. Anthony’s help (including Zach’s other bootie this morning). Then I thought, “Gee, I had asked St. Anthony to help find me last year!” The thoughts that flooded my heart and mind after that are proof that St. Anthony will never fail me.

I am me. I am a woman. I’m a daughter, a sister, an auntie, chosen family, friend, #8. I am Catholic and proud of it. I believe and profess that Catholic faith. I will never put doctrine, dogma, etc. in a higher place priority than love. Jesus didn’t. My goal in life is to be love. Love to those who feel like outcasts, love that never asks anything. I want God to fill me up and I want to pour His love out to all those I come in contact with. I want to find joy in every moment of work, family, my friends. I don’t want to put any effort into negativity. I am who I am, who He created me to be. I am free.