I promised myself I’d be honest with this blog. Thus, the title for this entry was born. I feel trapped.
I’m not sure there is much more to say. I tried to plan a way out, at least for a week. That did not work out. I think this wouldn’t feel so bizarre except that I feel trapped no matter where I am.
Trapped at work. Trapped in my cubicle. Trapped at home. I can’t get out. I can’t get out of my own way. I am surrounded by walls. When I feel trapped, I sink down to the floor in the midst of the walls and cry. Pushing the walls to try to get out. How can I get out from this trap?
Tonight, the thought “I just want to disappear for an entire day” popped into my head. I want everything around me to just pause while I gain my composure, find myself, and maybe even climb out of the trap. But things keep moving. Moving way faster than I can ever catch up to.
It’s that time of year when it’s dark before I even leave work. Pitch black outside by time I get home. Motivation does not find me in the dark. I need something fresh and new. Something to distract me or get me out of the confinement that I’m feeling.