A few weeks ago, I posted about how uncomfortable I felt going to Church with my parents and my neice and nephew. This led me to believe I would feel the same way going to Mass before a friend’s party. Sitting with a group of women at Mass when I am “not feeling it” and feeling more like I want to run out wasn’t really my idea of a good time.
Interestingly enough, I got there before them and sat off to the side, so I was alone for Mass. The homily was going in a different direction than I was interested in and I almost tuned out. Then the priest started talking about the difference between being a “good person” and living out our Catholic faith by attending Mass, participating in the sacramental union with Christ in the Eucharist. He got me. I realized that when I wasn’t living out my life the way I had when I was fully participating in the Church, I wasn’t much of a good person. I mean, sure I was still nice, hardworking, and many other good things. But at my core, I was slowly slipping into becomnig a self absorbed nightmare.
The good thing was that I never stopped talking to God and I knew no matter how nightmare-ish things got, Jesus had still died for me. His love would never fail me.
I didn’t get to Mass this weekend, but I find myself having a desire to go to confession and Mass again, which had been missing. I am spending less time alone, had a house full of people on Sunday, and just find myself in a place where I want to be part of community again. It feels good to share my life and feel. It’s what I was longing for when I first posted in this blog.
What really got me this week too was listening to Turn Around (live version) by Matt Maher. In the end, he speaks to the audience quite emphatically, and says, “In the story about the prodigal son, he got as far as the property line before his father saw him and his father ran out to meet him. He didn’t run to his father, he didn’t have to. His father ran to him…you don’t have to run to God, He’s already run to you”. How beautiful. I never focused on that part of the story. But it is true, He chases us, pursues us, seeks us who are lost. Amen.